This post may or may not sound ridiculous and childish…but these are my feelings, they are new and eye opening.
Everyone says that you have to lose something before you realize how much it meant to you – or something along those lines.
I have realized how much I love, adore, appreciate and need my dearest best friend and husband. He is the best at reading my closed book – comforting and loving me.
Drew has been gone for a week now some days are good days and the other days are really hard, harder than I had imagined. With my pregnancy I haven’t been sick (a huge blessing) but I have been so so very tired, I have no energy. All I want to do is sleep. With Drew gone it is much easier to lay in bed – sleep in – take long naps in the middle of the day – I think I am trying to sleep the next 16 weeks away. If only.
I have so much to do around the house – and I do work 37 odd hours a week, all I want to do is sleep.
It seemed like when he was home I was up and going with no problem – doing what I had to do and just moving right along.
I have lots of little projects going on: Sewing baby things for girl friends, learning to crochet, cooking with dear friends who distract me for hours, starting on my forever long book list…but again sleep sounds so much better. Oh, and avoid paying bills, being a responsible adult. ha
I miss him so much – I miss his voice, his arms, the loud breathing in the middle of the night – the stinky breath in my face from the heavy breathing in the middle of the night which would force me to roll over…ha I miss smelling the shop in my house – on him, his clothes, his pillow – I miss him calling me one of my twenty odd nick/pet names Bubs, Special Kiss Soup, Pickles – I am not sure where any of them come from but they are so special ha ha – silly but so special.
He named our little babe before he left – well it is just a pet name I guess – I hope… ha ha he calls it ‘Myrtle our little swimming Turtle’. He was always so good about talking to little Myrtle – oh and to us Myrtle is a boy, until we find out other wise{later part of Feb.} – we will be happy – overjoyed with either..but for now. He always told Myrtle to be good to Mommy while he was away.
I miss his noises around the house, picking up his socks at the end of the night, his dancing around the house.
I am comforted by the peace that I felt when we made this decision, it just sometimes, well I forget and it is easier to be sad and lonely than prayerful and grateful. I am comforted by the knowledge that he will come home to me in May, that he does live. I have read lately of a few Wife’s who lost there husbands at a young ages, I still have mine so my life is good. I pray for them that they will have strength to endure – I couldn’t imagine.
Thanks for listening, like I said some days are hard – today is one, but again – I have lots to do and I work today so all is well. I am just getting all this out of me and here seemed like a good place.
